The hard part usually isn’t the potty. It’s everything that happens around it.

Potty training doesn’t happen in a quiet bathroom with plenty of time. It happens in the middle of real life, and real life with a houseful of kids is rarely tidy.

After seven kids, these are the moments we wish someone had warned us about. If you’ve lived one of them, you’re in good company.

When everyone needs you at once

You’re feeding a baby, with a bottle or nursing, and your toddler announces they have to go right now. Or you need the bathroom yourself while you’re out, and both of you end up cramming into the same public stall. Or Mom heads in to go potty and the toddler has an accident right outside the door.

The shoe surprise

With our second son, the accidents came when he was having the most fun. We’d be at his grandparents’ house, kids outside playing, nobody thinking about the potty, and all of a sudden he’d realize he was going. We’d rush him in to finish, and sometimes a little pee had already gotten into his shoes. In the summer he wore flip-flops, and we’d rinse those out.

As new parents we didn’t know that you can wash shoes after an accident, that they dry fine, and that a wet shoe is no big deal. Now when we pack extra clothes, we add extra socks, and wipes for wet legs.

The toy aisle dance

Put a newly trained child in front of the toys at Walmart or a toy store, and all of a sudden you see them dancing. That’s a natural part of growing up. We’d tell them it was okay, the bathroom was right there, and walk them in. It was a chance to show them the ropes of a public restroom.

When Dad is the only one there

With two older brothers along, public restrooms got complicated whenever Mom wasn’t with us. You can’t send two little boys into the women’s room, and Dad wasn’t going to leave any of them standing outside alone. So I took our first daughter into a stall in the men’s room, and worried the whole time.

The park with no open stall

At the park we sometimes found every restroom taken. I’ve had to ask other parents if we could go first, a time or two, and every time we made it. I’ve also had the boys just go behind a tree when we had to. That was a new experience for them, too.

Give yourself some grace

After seven kids, one of the principles we hold onto most is giving grace for the mess. A day with an accident is not a failed day. A child who needs a little more time is not behind. And a tired parent doing their best is doing enough.

If your house feels like it’s coming apart some days, you’re not alone there either. We wrote about that in Why Your House Feels Like It’s Falling Apart.

We believe extraordinary families are built during ordinary days, even the ones with an extra load of laundry.

Keep reading

• The Road Trip Accident: What We Learned About Grace
• When Your Toddler Is Scared of the Flush
• Potty Training Doesn’t Have to Be a Battle

Read the chapter on grace, free.

Our free 12-page sample includes Principle 6, Give Grace for the Mess, a letter to Mom, and two printables.

Not medical advice. One family’s experience, shared with grace.