Sometimes the hardest moment isn’t sitting on the potty. It’s the flush.

Our first daughter caught on quickly. She wanted to be like her big brothers, and she’s always been more mature and aware than her age. Then one moment in a department store restroom changed everything.

The flush that stuck with her

As best we remember, Mom had taken her in, and she was sitting on the seat when the toilet flushed on its own. She got splashed and nearly came off the seat, and Mom had to catch her. After that she didn’t want to sit down again. If you’ve ever tried to set a wet, bare, frightened toddler back on a toilet, you know it’s like wrestling an octopus.

We didn’t realize at the time how much that one moment would stick with her. The loud flush, the fear of being splashed, and the fear of being sucked down were real to her.

What we did about it

She wouldn’t use the restroom at that store again. At restaurants, one of us would go in first to see whether the toilets flushed on their own. If they did, she would hold it until we got home or somewhere else. That takes a lot of trust from a parent, and she was stubborn enough to pull it off. We sometimes had to cut a store visit short, and that was okay.

We also bought a seat that fits over the toilet seat and is sized for a child, so she wouldn’t feel like she might fall in. Over time her own maturity did the rest.

If your toddler is afraid of the flush

• Take the fear seriously. Fears like this are normal for a toddler.
• Never taunt or shame.
• Check ahead for automatic flushers, and plan around them.
• Let your child step away first. Trust them to hold it if they need to.
• Try warning your child before a flush. That one is our suggestion, not something we can say worked every time.
• Let them flush toilet paper at home, so they can watch it swirl away and see there’s nothing to be scared of.

New experiences go smoother when kids know what’s coming. If that idea is new to you, How Pre-Teaching Transforms Parenting walks through how we do it at home.

We don’t chase perfection. We celebrate progress, one ordinary day at a time. And yes, the first time your child flushes on their own is worth a cheer.

Keep reading

• The Potty Training Moments Nobody Warns You About
• The Road Trip Accident: What We Learned About Grace
• You’re Not Behind: When Is a Child Ready for Potty Training?

Two printables to try tonight, free.

Our free sample includes the Readiness Checklist and the Grace Cards, plus a letter to Mom.

Not medical advice. One family’s experience, shared with grace.